True Freedom-Part 1

Why do I feel as if I am a hostage to other peoples opinions, thoughts, or feelings? Why do I feel enslaved to the need to be admired? I bend over backwards to receive continual approval from others especually the ones I am the closest to, but in the end I feel unappreciated, heavy, and tense. People-pleasing is not godly, nor is it healthy. Yes, I know this, but it is rooted so deeply in me it almost feels as if it would be impossible for me to completely throw it all off and run after what God has planned for me. It is hindering. It is discouraging. It is exhausting. I can not be all things to all people...and the funny part is, that they probably don't even expect me to.

When I was a teenager and my parents were going through a divorce I saw a councelor regularly. There was one thing the councelor told me that I remember today. She told me that I am not responsible for my parents feelings. I now can translate that to not being responsible to other peoples feelings. I can comfort and be sensitive, but in the end I can not do anything about their feelings. It is not up to me. I really wish I would have taken that step of freedom and not felt responsible. It is such a heavy burden. I know sometimes that there is nothing I can do, but I feel so deeply for people at times that I take on more then I was designed to. I don't want to be a slave to sin, to others, or to myself in order to feel good about who I am. I don't have to have the world tell me what will make me happy. What a sad life that would be. True freedom is life with Christ! Hebrews 12:1 says "Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us."

I want to be like Paul says in 1 Corinthians 2:45, " my messege and my preaching were not wise and persuasive words, but with demonstration of the Spirit's power so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power." This passage really hit home. It plays a roll in not only my everyday life, but here on this blog. With out knowing it I was under the surface feeling a little pressure about what I write and who was going to read it. I seemed to be writing for the approval of others. Since when did I ever care about that? After having a small "blogger fast" I realized this was not such a good thing and that everything I do should be for God's glory and not mine. It is such a simple concept, but super easy to fall into a pattern of approval-seeking followed by disappointment. I have decided that in all aspects of my life this seeking approval from man is always so dissappointing... I have had enough of it! I want out! Here is a quote I really like by George MacDonald..." I would rather be what God chose to make me than the most glorious creature that I can think of..." I want to experience the aliveness that comes only from throwing off everything that hinders me and being truely free. Getting rid of all the pride, self-gratification, and anxiety and making "it" (meaning my life) all about HIM. I will let what God is pleased with be enough. It is a process, but I will no longer feel like I need to explain myself. There is one judge, and God does not look around to others for their opinions.

"Our Lord was never suspicious, never bitter, never in despair about man because He put God first in trust; He trusted absolutely in what God's grace could do for any man. If I put my trust in human beings first, I will end in despairing of everyone; I will become bitter, because I have insisted on being what no man can ever be-absolutely right. Never trust anything but the grace of God in yourself or in anyone else."-Oswald Chambers